“No sugarcoating, this is potent, I wish we would’ve known what we know now…
Times get colder, and feelings get bolder, just like Colorado when it snows ’round..”

~ Aminé, “Warm On A Cold Night (remix)”

So the whole “I’ll do better than post once a quarter” thing kinda came and went. Sorry. But I’ve been trying to climb out of the rock and hard place that I squeezed myself into in regards to being able to figure out.. well, myself. Apologies for it taking this long.. still kind of there in a sense, but doing better in finagling through it.

I usually find myself writing at some ungodly hour instead of doing what the normal human does at this time of night and sleep. But it’s 2.30a, and not being able to sleep brings us to where we are currently. The majority of these posts were written around this hour, if not written and posted at the same time. Seeing how I made it a priority to stay up to watch The Pink Panther at around 4a or so when I was 8 or 9, being a night owl has always been in my blood. That would also explain my college years… but I digress. I do my best writing at this time. I’ve also found that Monday evenings and Wednesday evenings (which turn into Tuesday/Thursday morning) are the days that I have found myself to start putting characters to post. This would be no different.

Now, last I wrote, I was 88 days into the year, and I felt I had nothing to show for it. Here we are in day 180 (essentially the mid-year review), and what are we able to say for ourselves?

I’m no saint, and I’m not perfect. I’ve never made myself out to be, nor will I be saintly or perfect in all my actions. I’ve given and taken a lion’s share of L’s. Whether that is reconciling relationships with friends, SO’s, or family throughout my near three decades of life, I’m guilty of being an ass of an ass. So, I’m sorry for that. I’m trying to be better, I really am. It’s a process, and I’m a work-in-progress. 2.0 me shouldn’t be (as much of) a D comparatively, or have as many bugs as version 1.987 me did.

Segueing into something different, I was given a Passion Planner last year for the 2017 year. After using it sparingly the year before (read: not at all), it seemed like it was be another year of blank pages and lost time. However, this is the year that the wheels start turning. I have been trying to keep myself in check with the goals that I have. While I have goals for the next 1, 3, 5 years and beyond, I have been mainly focusing on three main components intently.

Each week it is updated with goals and things in order to keep me motivated for the week (ex. “don’t let lapses linger. 150 oz (of water) or none”.  The words and goals are updated, but the same three topics remain. In order to gain and keep control of myself, these remain a constant.. and it’s been slowly but surely working. A few to share from this week:

Health: “Sign up for Fitness Evolution. $10/month won’t kill you. McDonald’s will.”
I had a hell of a workout with Mac and his friend Jacob last Thursday. It was a testament to how far I have to go.. but how rewarding it was to actually get a hard earned workout in. Now that I would have a workout partner (or two) to keep it up, it would make more sense to keep me honest in going 3-4 times a week. And $10 per month isn’t too terrible at all considering the location. Now let’s dog-ear this post and see how many times I go between now and the end of the year. I’m gonna need someone to call me out if I go astray.

Self/Wealth: “Understand what you DON’T need. If something or someone is in your way of your goal, kindly get it the fuck out of your life“.
This originally started as a wealth goal, in terms of getting rid of extraneous expenses that can/have ultimately chipped away at finances, leaving me less financially secure than I’d like to be. However, upon further review (and reflecting on past conversations with family and close folx), it seemed like it could expand from inanimate vices that stand in one’s way to people saying that a goal cannot be achieved or even worse, laughed at when spoken about. Sadly, this could be someone in a close circle. If that’s the case, it’s not worth the time, energy or fux given to justify or qualify a goal. To me, your goal is just that.. your goal. Hell, graduating was my goal at one point.. and through the scenic route, it still happened. As long as you’re aiming towards positivity, keep those around who believe in you and want to help you achieve it, and the blue hell with those who don’t want you to succeed.

Self: “You are fucking important. Don’t let ANYONE tell you different.”
Arguably the most powerful note written this week. Sometimes you gotta remind yourself that you are somebody. It may take a while to believe, and you may play it off and not take it seriously. But it’s necessary to repeat. And repeat. And. Repeat. No matter what co-worker might throw shade, friend (are they really if they are making you feel that way?) who might sneak diss, or whoever it might be, it’s in your best interest to know what you bring to the table. And if they make you feel like shit, feel free to take the table you brought.

All in all, this planner (and some prodding by those around me) has helped me get back on track with the things that I need to. By channeling those three, I can start to work on the only person I can change for the better.. myself.

Being 4a, the Pink Panther is not on, so I should probably call this a night. I’m sure I will have more to post as 2017: part deux arrives. After all, 30’s around the corner. Here’s hoping that rock and a hard place won’t have an occupant for much longer. Til then, misadventurers.. #overandout