say it with me now: Disclaimer: all past, present, and future views expressed throughout Jay’s Epic Misadventures are solely my own, and do not represent the opinions of any particular entity or affiliation I associate with. Short story shorter, don’t try to link what I say/think as a negative to where I work/who I associate with. Otay? Otay!

it’s too late to turn this shit around (it’s too late)
only held me down when you wanted me to drown
it’s too late to turn this shit around (it’s too late)
so don’t try and tell me that you’re happy for me now..

Post Malone, “ENEMIes”

I’m pretty sure this is the shortest between posts i’ve had in about 3 years. No, trust me, it’s not out of boredom, there’s too much to work on to write this out for the sole reason that I have nothing else to do. Usually I’ll have something that triggers me to find a spot to camp and get it out. My goal was to write more often (which I will get to later), so it kind of feels like it’s necessary to do. also, it’s nearly 4am, which is commonplace for these types of things to occur.. mainly because everyone’s asleep and this is usually the normal time that these types of things are written.

with 17 days until Christmas, it’s time for either mile-long lists, or mile-long distress on finding gifts for people that either don’t want/ask for anything, or still use everything you’ve purchased/made for them over the years. simply put.. FML. but in retrospect, i’m sincerely hoping that this holiday season doesn’t necessarily lean to “what did you get me?” and “oh… thanks, i guess”. i’ve seen those in the past, and they just lead to bitterness all around. i’m usually a Grinch when it comes to Christmas (yes, i’m that person who waits til after thanksgiving to play Christmas music.. well, after Thursday Night Football..), and I’m trying to do better for those around me. I know that there are certain qualities about myself that can be brash without context, so on we go:

I can be harsh. I live off the fact that no one can control my destiny but God. That being said, I am not one to take my goals lightly. If there is doubt about what I need to do to get to my goal, the fuck shit I do not need. (Side interjection: Baby Yoda keeps popping up in my feed [even though he’s supposed to not be a baby, but tf do I know, he’s Yoda, and he’s a baby, sooo..], and y’all need to watch The Mandalorian, it’s pretty dope. Okay, back to the original scheduled programming.) I have a tendency to have a sharp tongue which can come across as harsh/rude. Villains do that sometimes. But if you think about it, they always 1.) have a point, and 2.) are not wrong. There’s intent with the words, but it may not be as smooth around the edges when it comes out.

I can be demanding. I’ve said this before, and I stand by it wholeheartedly: I (clap) can’t (clap) stand (clap) mediocrity.
(clap.)
we are all put on this earth to do something amazing. everyone here has something to contribute, one way or another. but let’s not lose sight of the food chain here.. if there is an opportunity to (ethically) advance oneself to fulfill whatever destiny we have, we owe it to ourselves to do it. If not, someone else will (not may, not could, will) take advantage of it, and thrive off of it. It bugs the blue hell out of me when there is no motivation to do better because complacency has kicked in, or it will be handled when the time comes. Trust me, I was that person at one time or another. I took the scenic route through college, and although it would be a relevant journey for me in the long run, I did myself no favors by screwing with time.. so if there comes a time where rubber needs to meet road pdq, I would be remiss if I stood there and just watched the shitshow commence.

I can be wrong. This is nothing new, but nothing if I don’t acknowledge my flaws. I don’t just mean in speech, but in action as well. At times, my intentions don’t match what the optics look like, and it looks super out of pocket. It leads to unnecessary problems with people that shouldn’t have been involved. Although I learn from every situation that goes on, I know that I can slip up every now and then. It’s not an excuse to be a certified capital D by any means, but I am human. Whether by thought, speech or action, I will do my best to not be that big of an idiot.

Why am I writing all this? It’s 4 (now 5) in the morning, and of course all things spiral out of control when you’re up this late. Corralling these thoughts and sub-plots is half the battle. But I realize that I do a lot of reflection, in terms of what I have done to get to where I am today, and what I haven’t done. I don’t necessarily lament on what has not transpired, but I, like everyone else, always get that nagging thought of “what if x happened or y didn’t happen, would z still occur?” I’m grateful for what/who I have, don’t get me wrong. Again, just human nature. Not apologizing for it, just a simple acknowledgment. I can be rough around your edge. I can be demanding action to lead to results. But I can be wrong, and I’m not too proud to admit. Just know it’s done with your best interest at heart. Pinky promise.

I realize that this travel blog has become less travel and more feeling-spewing. The travel hasn’t been there like in years past, but is a work in progress and is still planning to happen. I still have a video-less YouTube page that I need to create content for, I’m aware. Better time management and proper planning will change that. Feelings? Yeah, they’ll probably still be there, but there will at least be pretty pictures and shiny videos to accompany it so you’re not just getting text all day. Be that as it may, there’s still exciting tings going on.

Bear: every day, there’s a new thing that she’ll do to write home about. por ejemplo:
– someone’s getting an attitude with their words.. a few more o’s in the word no. bad bear.
– she unloads the dishwasher. i kid you not. silverware, pots, pans, cups, she will help. good bear.
– she is very social. any child aged 8 days to 8 years is “BABY!”, followed by a wave. happy bear.
– she is starting to nearly get dressed by herself. she’s growing up too fast. sad (papa) bear.

Keto Update: So, this keto thing was supposed to be a change of pace, something that I wasn’t sure was going to work given my track record of losing some pounds and gaining back tons.

Back story goes like this.. I have always been a little.. er.. hefty lefty, if you will. Weight has always been an issue to me. Although I was always doing teh sportsball, I was always seen as a few ounces short of a ton. The freshman 15 felt like I repeated it twice or thrice, so coming out of college, there were always things that didn’t fit just quite right. My peak weight was 303 some years ago, to the tune of me stepping on the scale and saying “Are you fxcking serious?”

I would teeter around 285-290, and never find anything that would work with me to keep weight off if I happened to find my weight south of that. Back in August, I was urged to try this Atkins-sounding thing, to see how eating meat and lettuce and not the other 14 aisles in the store.

So, I started at 291.8 (no shame at this point), and tried it for a week. After the keto flu (a real f’n thing, look it up), being in ketosis and actually being halfway disciplined and not drinking a milkshake, I lost 7 pounds. Mind you, it was mainly losing the water weight from the carbs I no longer ingested, but hell, it was something. So, I’ve been steadily on it. Eating Jack in the Box 5 days a week (in which I never thought possible, but here we are), but substituting buns for lettuce. Knowing the In-N-Out drive-thru folks by name as they make my double-double animal style, protein style. Not having the animal fries, which legit hurts my heart. I weigh myself every Saturday, not being beholden to the scale daily. I know that water is my friend, and I can honestly say it’s my favorite drink, so it’s easy for me to drink a gallon a day.

3 months later, I have now lost 43.4, bringing my weight to 248.4. My goal is 240 by the end of the year. It’s been over a decade and a half since I have hit this weight, so I am stoked to make this final push. Come 2020, I want to hit 215, but as of now, this is a milestone that will mean a whole hell of a lot for me if I’m able to hit it. However, I know I am not alone in this journey. I wouldn’t have made it this far (or at all) if it weren’t for one person bringing up recipes, keeping me accountable and most of all, sticking with it herself. She has definitely seen the effects, and she looks amazing. Hell, she is amazing.

To my keto komrade, Lili. Love you for all you do and have done.

As far as, you know, the travel, this is what the plan is:

Southern California: Since Florida didn’t pan out as planned, I’m not planning on losing my Universal Studios tickets on nothing. So, there will be a stop this month for actual travel and video posting. Also, there will be a Disneyland sighting for Bear, because any shirt, show or doll that has Minnie Mouse on it elicits a smile for her. I was going to wait until she got older to take her, but she will have an absolute whole cow if she went. If she can handle the car ride, she will have a mouse or two and some other animals to visit as well. Also, if time permits, I might have a post for YouTube with a close friend o’mine helping me. It should be fun.

Japan: I’ve got 229 days to make this happen. I’ve been saying it for so many months turned years, I can’t back out now.

I don’t plan on this being the last post of the year; I just happened to be up writing and I had some ish to get off me chest. I’m hoping to have one on the last days of the year, after the Christmas and trips, with some content that not just this lovely text. Til then, I hope you have a lovely Christingmas, and above all, a safe and prosperous one.

As always, #overandout